Sunday, 26 June 2011


through choice

I layer
to hide

The tears
I enjoy

and you wonder wheres the pain

Without cause
or reason

and I lick on

A martyr
behind the lies

Prettier in liquid
easier to obscure
fools views

This is me
omitting you

Friday, 4 February 2011


She's sitting on black stair
With lonely
no curls in hair

She's pulling at dolly
Subverting the pain
her body broken

No more than a frame
Hiding in shadows
avoiding ice fingers and shame

A fragile head
made out of glass
filling with excuses
the reasons for red

Praying for a hero
someone to see past

She prays harder each night
with questions of why

Eyes shut tight

Dreaming of justice

Her hand twisting the knife

Thursday, 28 October 2010

Sandcastles in the rain

(an Alzheimer's expression - for Roy)

The sun shines brighter
than it ever did before
Second devours second
and it shines brighter
than it ever did before

Your heart pounds
Confusion at the sounds
You search for peace
Behind closed eyes
But second devours second
and you cant remember why

We must replace metaphor with meaning

You wonder in the dark
We are calling your name
Losing a little daily
You can't understand our tears
or fear or shame

Lights on
and off
and on again
Lock locks,
no reason in rhyme
Anger at blank pages
Rewriting each time
you finish a line

I reach, but its too late

We must replace metaphor with meaning

But I can find no other way to explain
This blanket over your soul
Years disappear
Like sandcastles in the rain

Its been awhile...

I haven't blogged in ages and I promised myself I would, being my mind is so busy, fleeting thoughts that could be much more I know I should write them down. I had a bit of a poetry run, I find it easier sometimes, it gets across my obsession or train of thought at the time!

I started college in Sept and its been a real ride, good and bad, I struggled at first so I dumped the Prozac, flat lining was a comfort 6 months ago, but it really stumped my thought process and although I know I'm a depressive, I feel its a part of the process and if you deny a part of yourself you can lose so much more. I'm learning new techniques and meeting really interesting people, inspiration is bubbling! I still feel kind of scared of myself as an artist though, for one: what if I'm shit, I'm a wannabe not a real artist and two: I'm a bit dark and I am unsure if I want others to see that side - amongst many other self deprecating questions.

Life drawing has been a real highlight, something I've always been so scared of, but I love it, we've been working in different mediums and styles.We do keep having the same model though, he is quit an interesting guy to draw and chat to, but I long for someone with a bit more shape, a female with lots of curves and bumps, like a Jenny Saville model - anyone know someone who fancies life modelling? send them to the college, they have to be CRB checked though.

I've been plagued by illness the last few weeks, first a sinus infection and then tonsillitis, I started my radio show again, but after two shows I've been too ill...grr, I'll get it up and running again soon, a case of doing too much again, its been tough keeping on top of work and college and life, the doc and psych keep telling me to do what makes me happy above the things that bring me down - shame they don't pay the bills!

I saw the Manic street preachers last week - freaking amazing! I know I've seen them countless times, but I think the last time was back in 2002 and they didn't really seem to be enjoying it so much, well they got their bravado back, the set was outstanding and I managed to get the set list to remind me! and to top it off I met Nicky Wire, I could've wet myself...but I didn't! Ive been a fan for like 18 years, but I've always been to scared to meet them and had to run off home as I've generally seen them on my own...loner!

and lastly - but not in order, Village green was fantabulouse! There is so much amazing talent in Essex, I took loads of pics, but I suck at uploading, I will soon! I should really get involved, maybe next year, I haven't been making jewellery, too much else on my plate, saying that there are people on my course with several kids who keep on top of it all and still get creative...makes me feel a bit lame!

oh yeah and I turned 30...too quick, way to quick

Thursday, 8 July 2010

A wise old fox

I have watched the heavy walls encroach
The land that once was free
Now owned
Fenced and gated
Welcome, an outdated concept.

A refugee made of the wild
We must now hide
Pride fogged
Once graceful, cunning
Reduced to rubbish bag cowardice

'Survival of the fittest'
Over used by the weak
Strength only in guns
Starved jaws of our cousins
and media propaganda
Wiping hands from afar

I go running in the night
Echos reverberate
The dark so embracive
How I long for human accountability
Freeing the innocent from shame

Shame for living
In a land we once roamed
The Monarchy of OUR countryside
As mother earth intended
Before Man crowned themselves

Wednesday, 7 July 2010

My Cat

Velveteen black
Worn with pride
Sleek, graceful
Lion like stride

Snow tipped mountain paws
Cushiony love lorn
Set to fool
Hiding deathly claws

Eyes poetic sea green
Look deep
Treasures lure
Pearls like never seen before

Stretching nose to tail
Ostentatious yawn
All passing take care
Ear's twitching
Even sleeping he is aware

Despite the danger persona
Quite mews part lips
Whiskers tickle
And tongue catches tears
When needed