To Mother

I close my eyes

Clinging to the memories

The warm scent lingers

The inviting glow draws me in.

Musky tobacco

Heady floral hues

Tangled like the smoke from your joint

I'd nestle under your rising arm

Seeking security, confirmation.

Breathing in happiness

I was in awe of you

You were forgetful

Pretty

Fun

Smiles and laughter.

We spent weekends in the dark

The electric meter whirring out of credit as the shops closed

Lights replaced with candles

Camped by the gas fire

Singing The Beatles on your battered acoustic guitar.

The cupboards were normally empty

Powdered milk

Stale crackers

And those little silver cake decorating balls

We shopped for fun

Dancing down the isles

Food an afterthought.

You let us sit up all night

We watched the moon

Took the dog for midnight walks

And planned our lives as 'miwlonaires'

Put the world to rights

With ditty’s and rhyme.

If only I could freeze time

Just there forever

But you let life suck you in

And away from me

Old enough to go it alone

You found other projects to defend

But they only knew how to take.

So I sat up late

Waiting for the door to click

To know you were safe

For your cigarette smoke to wind up the stairs

And ease me into a slumber

The sound of the kettle rising to its boil.

It only got later and later

Your eyes grew wider

Wider

I'd take your glasses off

So as not to hurt your face

As you slid into your pillow.

I'd creep downstairs

Lock the doors

Put your shoes safely away

Cover you over on my journey back to bed

Turn out your light

Careful to not disturb.

I'd think over all the good times

And eventually join you in sleep

Only to be woken a few hours later

You'd dance down the hallway

Turn the stereo up

Unaware of my nightly ritual

Why I was so grumpy in the morning

But it wouldn't last for long

I just can't stay angry at you.

Many years have passed

I tried to run away

As much as I love you

You are also my downfall

No matter how far I am

The cycle continues,

Drawing me in with your infectious laugh

And quirky habits.

While others walk all over you

I am walking behind you

Ready to catch

As fools fail to see greatness

I just wished you’d notice